Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there's paper in my vomit.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
