No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
