it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
