so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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