I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm like, not good at living.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
