forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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