He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
