His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
