My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
