There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
