i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
