I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
