Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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