Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
