no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
