dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just had sex on a roof
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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