dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm both gender and math confused
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
