he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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