Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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