and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
