He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
