how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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