i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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