Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
