she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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