im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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