your parents love me but you hate me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
