i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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