just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
