Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish there were birth control emojis
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
