My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
