I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
