I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
