i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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