Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
