from now on my penis is your penis
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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