Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
