I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
