You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
