This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
