garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
