I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
