look no pants
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
