words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
