god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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