She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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