I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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