Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
