i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
