I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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