I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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