Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
