if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
